...you come to work to find your patient dead. I guess I wasn't that surprised, the little poodle had been a long time without being on insulin for his diabetes. Still, I try my damnest to save them all if I can. After this morning's greeting, I expected the rest of the day to go without any other episodes - wow, was I wrong. After pregchecking a few heifers, I felt like a schmuck when I had to put a large "O" on all but three of them. When there is a wreck, there is a wreck. You see, the "O"s stood for open, that is empty, meaning there would be no calf for them in the spring. This was a heck of a lesson learned - test the bulls in the spring. One (bull) plus one (heifer) should equal two (cute of a baby calf). However, in this case, the equation equaled a big fat zero. Well, that should have been all of the excitement for the day, right? Wrong again. The next thing that I had to do was to look at a bloated calf that was to come into the clinic. For those that don't know, imagine how you feel like after eating at a buffet (I guess I can only speak for myself). The bloated ruminant (word of the day) looks like a woodtick that is about to pop. How you treat it is to pass a tube down it's throat and let the gas spew out (don't light a match). Well, this one came running in, and as I was trying to put it in the head gate, she went tits up. I grabbed a hose and shoved it down her gullet, but the gas wasn't coming off fast enough. I grabbed my necropsy knife (maybe that was a premonition) and tried to stab her, but it was sharp like a butter knife. I quickly found a scalpel and poked her side, and within a minute, the gas was gone out of system...but unfortunately, the spark was also out of her eye. You know they say hindsight is 20/20 - well, I should have stabbed her right away. No, wait, I should have been an accountant instead.
So the last thing I did today was to rework the waterworks of a steer. Waterbelly is like a blocked cat - and as a vet may say, both are equally challenging. For those who don't know what that is, it is when a stone gets stuck in the waterworks, and there is nowhere for the urine to go. The stone was found and released - I now hope the bugger will pee till the cows come home.
But you know what they say, things happen in threes.
Perhaps I should change my name to Dr. Kavorkian.