Friday, May 4, 2012

Green Is The Color

The color green - we are seeing a lot of new green these days - the trees are trying to spit out their leaves, the grass is coming quickly, and the portulaca which is in the garden is making a green carpet.  My white running shoes are also turning green - fresh grass in cows equals fresh green cow pies - and for the life of me it is like there is a magnetic force between my body and the recycled grass which comes out of the back end of the bovine.  Testing bulls without getting green conditioner in your hair is a skill - a third eye is required at times as you are crouched behind Mr. Testy fondling his testes.  Running across the yard to stop a cow (or to jump a fence away from a cow) inevitably ends up with a green paste on your Reebok's (and paste in your Fruit of the Looms).  Today I knelt in it - there was a BSE cow to contend with.  Now, don't be calling the media, when I say BSE cow, it is when a cow dies and the vet-who has gone to university for a minimum of 6 years, has spent $60,000 and more on tuition, and has studied all there is about many species-brings a little cup, a spoon and a (never) sharp knife and cuts the head off of the diseased deceased. After the head is of old Bess is removed, the brain surgeon then delicately scoops a portion of the brain with the spoon (like scooping a scoop of ice cream) and sends it for BSE testing - the Canadian Food Inspection Agency way of ensuring the masses that beef is safe in Canada. Money is spent to the producer (and this differs in the amount between provinces) and the vet is paid for their surgical skills (this also differs in each province - apparently Alberta vets are highly skilled surgeons who require about twice as much as Saskatchewan butchers - I mean vets).  Apparently Alberta cows are worth more dead versus Saskatchewan cows - that is obviously the Alberta Advantage that is always talked about.  In any case, while I was skillfully wielding my Wilkshire, I kneeled in a pile of you know what.  Crap.  Yes, I said "Crap!"  Not only did I do it once, but twice-I am sure if I had a third knee I would have done it a third time.  Decapitation completed, brain stem scooped and homeward bound I went.  When I stepped out of Dora the Explorer, I stepped in it - green sheep dung. 
Yup, I am a shit magnet - why couldn't I attract money - that is green!


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